Internet meme “Skateboarding Dog” Calls Time on the LOLs and ROFLMAOs

Occasional nonsense news that can’t be proved otherwise…

First Posit ennui brought you the scoop that nature docu-maker Fly Ng Lo was hanging up his wings, now Internet meme “Skateboarding Dog” is calling it a day!

 

“Skateboarding Dog” in his heyday

as an Internet meme

Photo by C. Wess Daniels 

CC License Some rights reserved

 

PithPot: Witty Repartee with the Big T

Master bad-ass bottom badinage and perspicacious persiflage c/o top raconteur, Thropplenoggin…Huzzah!

Thropplebloggin’: How To Boost Traffic To Your Blog The Thropplenoggin Way

Professor I.T. Thropplenoggin gives sage advice to the blogging masses

You too can have up to 12 hits in one day if you follow my 10 and a ¼ Red Hot Tips on How To Flog Your Blog! 

1. I know this is going to sound rather basic, but I really can’t emphasise it enough. First, think of something to say.  And then say it.  Try it.  It’s much easier than it sounds.
    
2. You’re going to have to post content, post it hard and post it often.  What I’m talking about here is hardcore posting.  The question you’ve got to ask yourself is: do you have the finger-muscle power for such posting?
    
3. So, now you’ve managed to get one chump all the way to your spanking new blog.  They’re sat there, bored out of their minds, staring at a blank page.  Why?  Cos you didn’t write nuffink for em, did ya?  Idiot.  Content, content, content.  Weren’t you listening before?
    
4. “Link Me, Slave! Link Me Like The Worm You Are!” Hyperlinking to other articles you’re referencing tends to drive people away from your blog, so my advice: Metalink Madness! Link every word to the self-same post the reader is currently reading, like so! Huzzah! 
    
5. Pull in the pervs by ‘’slagging up” your tags, such as XXX and booty.
    
6. Why not try something I like to call tag-bragging, which is writing self-plugging tags that enable you to tag and brag at the same time.  Example: thispostissofunnysomesnotshotoutmynosewhenireaditfromlaughingsohard
    
7. Google “Thropplenoggin”.  Craigslist-o-rific, eh?  Viral marketing is the only way you’re really gonna pull the punters in, especially by promising them instant riches, a cure for dropsy, or, in my case, amusement, with entreaties like “prepare to be side-splitted”. There simply is no substitute for quality and comedic brilliance. See DavisW.
    
8. Ride on the coattails of contrived media idiocy: O-spam-a and Ba-crack are good examples of this.
    
9. Get ahead of the game and write about Web 99.0.
    
10. But the real key to generating millions of hits and blog traffic is … donate money to needy satirist to learn the answer.

The War On…Fluffington Post

The War On… series, a new column exposing contrived media idiocies

Fluffmongering, or the art of peddling fluff, would be the ideal way to describe Internet newspaper [sic], Fluffington Post. Arianna Huffington’s precocious baby, born in May 2005, is now a multi-million dollar uber-tabloid, offering journalism students everywhere a crash-course in the cutting-edge world of cut’n'paste churnalism 2.0.

Indeed, Fluffington Post is currently puffing its own book, The Complete Guiding To Blogging, on its site. The key seems to be this: you can report on the Fourth Estate’s original reporting second-hand, but only if you use a Get Out Of Plagiarism Jail free card. i.e. tagging on a diminutive hyperlink to the original.

In the boring old days, this was called cheating. In today’s brave new w-w-world, it goes by the name “aggregator blog”, which means “borrowing” the hard work of others and presenting it in a lurid, sensationalised way – preferably in size 36 Arianna fonts, bold italics (natch). These aforementioned “headlines” are accompanied either with some ‘aw, shucks!‘ pretty pictures or “video footage” directly from that font of all titillating brainslop, Youtube. For the full user-generated experience, a comment section is added, with Stalinesque models of moderation and censorship in situ to wipe out any dissenting voices from the status quo of More Liberal Than Thou!

Even more amusing and odious than the narcissistic name of this tabloid extravaganza, are the links one can follow to “All Things Arianna”, an exercise of self-marketing worthy of Queen Robot herself, O(h, that’s another million bucks I just made)prah. Here, BS swallowers loyal to the scandal-fuhrer can follow her upcoming schedule, TV appearances, radio appearances, podcasts, publications, speeches, bowel movements, dental visits, and recommended depilatory treatments for stubborn upper-lip and underarm filaments.

As tabloid hooey always has, fluff works on a classic formula of hype promotion; namely Shock & Awesome! Hysterical headlines pull the punters in, while a ribald scoop can make it onto the news networks, where Fluff-meister AH seems to spend a lot of time. The site is therefore littered with digg this and buzz up buttons, to encourage readers to do the hard work of peddling the fluff for them. Adverts, of course, squeal at you from all angles, although it’s often hard to discern between FluffPo “articles” and the candy-coloured adverts themselves. Neat trick.

Like many doing the web-based media mash, FluffPo is involved in a global game of “First!” – that annoying thing users like to write on freshly-minted articles. Simultaneously, now that FluffPo has been successful in helping to get a pwoper-woper wiberal into the Whitehouse, it can no longer sleep. FluffPo is a 24/7 many-headed beast, not content at sticking to politics, it is now metastasizing into Style and Living and a bizarre phenomenon called Big News. You can bet superabundantly-sized readers heaved a humongous sigh of relief when they saw that they were getting their very own wide-angle coverage, eh?

FluffPo is now a highly virulent news sphincter, capable of squeezing out any old dribble of news and hearsay into sensationalist coils of hyper-caca, and is, even as I write, evolving into Obama’s very own mouthpiece.

Stories coming to a FluffPo near you:

- Boxers, Y-Fronts or Tanga Thongs – What Obama’s Underwear Could Say About The Next 4 Years!

– Obama’s Daughters Wearing Jimmy Choos? That’s So Last Year But Says A Lot About The Crisis At The Heart of Young Womanhood

– Herstory – What Obama’s Wife’s Nail Polish Has To Say About The State Liberal American Nails Are In (And Why It Matters To YOU!)