In Like Thropplenoggin: In Pursuit of ‘Ghetto Booty’ Pt.6: R’d Cor! vs The Big T

Tales of sexual derring-don’t from “ethnosexographer to the stars”, Dr. Y. U. Thropplenoggin.

RECAP: He is presently “pimped up to the nines” in deerstalker and tweed and engaged in a hipper-hopper duel in the New World, as he attempts to bag the well-cushioned wench, “Ghetto Booty”.

Helmet Help: Pith faux pas OR egad, huzzah! ? The Big T decides!

Check out these turnips…are these people taking the pith or what?  Fear not – The Big T is on hand to point out the sartorial gaffes being made by these “Hapless Helmets”.

“What the devil has got into this saucy knave, with his ghastly bright yellow helmet!  Utter pith and twaddle. Imagine trying to do field research dressed up like that.  What a clown.”

“Eugh!  What’s this green carbuncle doing atop someone’s noggin?  And – ye gods! – with a garish red and gold Commie badge to boot! Political ideologies and pith helmets make rotten bedfellows.  Pith off.”

“Now that’s more like it!  The classic safari suit and pith helmet combo, both in a very fetching buff-beige hue.  A touch la-di-da, a touch je ne sais quoi this little chap pulls the Thropplenoggin look off with aplomb. Huzzah!

Originals c/o Dunechaser , tinkernoonoo , A_of_DooM

Chagrin & Bear It: Christian Bale-istic’s Anger Management Issues Get Thropplenoggined

Dear Dr. Thropplenoggin

The Internet was on-f**king-fire yesterday when some prick uploaded an audio clip of me going f**king mental-nuts at some absolute f**king idiot on the set.  Look, I know I lost it a little bit…okay then, quite a-f**king lot, but f**k me, this guy was such a d!ck.  You don’t ass around on the set.  Otherwise I’ll kick your f**king ass, ya hear?  

Please help.  I’ve become the laughing stock of Follywood.

Yours sin-f**king-cerely

Christian Bale

Dear Christian

I’ve read your letter and, rest assured, your profanity-ridden scream for help has been heard loud and clear.  Now you can’t go around threatening to do naughty things to people’s bottoms.  It just isn’t cricket.  No, no, no.  You need to improve your lexicon and learn “The Way of the Tirade” with the big T – Thropplenoggin – me.  Here’s what I would have said in your place:

 

You see?  Venting spleen, getting it all off the chest, and with nary an expletive.  Marvellous, no?

Consider yourself cured and Thropplenoggined.

More felicity anon.

Dr. Thropplenoggin, “cosmologist to the stars”

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In Like Thropplenoggin: In Pursuit of Ghetto Booty Pt. 4: Pre-Duel Donkywork

Tales of sexual derring-don’t from “ethnosexographer to the stars”, Dr. Y. U. Thropplenoggin

Photo remixed from originals by the justified sinner

and  mockney_piers

Ray Mears, Urban Survival: Ye Olde High Street

TV’s most celebrated pubic topiarist or “Bushman” takes on the Ye Olde British High Street in another classic episode of Ray Mears: Urban Survival.

Photos remixed from originals by WorldIslandInfo.com,

Mister Alcohol, Seth Woodworth and Lincolnian

Thropplebloggin’: How To Boost Traffic To Your Blog The Thropplenoggin Way

Professor I.T. Thropplenoggin gives sage advice to the blogging masses

You too can have up to 12 hits in one day if you follow my 10 and a ¼ Red Hot Tips on How To Flog Your Blog! 

1. I know this is going to sound rather basic, but I really can’t emphasise it enough. First, think of something to say.  And then say it.  Try it.  It’s much easier than it sounds.
    
2. You’re going to have to post content, post it hard and post it often.  What I’m talking about here is hardcore posting.  The question you’ve got to ask yourself is: do you have the finger-muscle power for such posting?
    
3. So, now you’ve managed to get one chump all the way to your spanking new blog.  They’re sat there, bored out of their minds, staring at a blank page.  Why?  Cos you didn’t write nuffink for em, did ya?  Idiot.  Content, content, content.  Weren’t you listening before?
    
4. “Link Me, Slave! Link Me Like The Worm You Are!” Hyperlinking to other articles you’re referencing tends to drive people away from your blog, so my advice: Metalink Madness! Link every word to the self-same post the reader is currently reading, like so! Huzzah! 
    
5. Pull in the pervs by ‘’slagging up” your tags, such as XXX and booty.
    
6. Why not try something I like to call tag-bragging, which is writing self-plugging tags that enable you to tag and brag at the same time.  Example: thispostissofunnysomesnotshotoutmynosewhenireaditfromlaughingsohard
    
7. Google “Thropplenoggin”.  Craigslist-o-rific, eh?  Viral marketing is the only way you’re really gonna pull the punters in, especially by promising them instant riches, a cure for dropsy, or, in my case, amusement, with entreaties like “prepare to be side-splitted”. There simply is no substitute for quality and comedic brilliance. See DavisW.
    
8. Ride on the coattails of contrived media idiocy: O-spam-a and Ba-crack are good examples of this.
    
9. Get ahead of the game and write about Web 99.0.
    
10. But the real key to generating millions of hits and blog traffic is … donate money to needy satirist to learn the answer.

In Like Thropplenoggin: “In Pursuit of Ghetto Booty Pt.3: Pimped Up To The Nines”

Tales of sexual derring-don’t from “ethnosexographer to the stars”, Dr. Y. U. Thropplenoggin

Ba-crack: addictive new drug mongs media!!!

Nonsense news that can’t be proved otherwise!

The evil effects of Ba-crack seen affecting front pages across the globe!

Photo by Steve Garfield

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In Like Thropplenoggin I: Sallying Forth in Scunthorpe

Tales of sexual derring-do(n’t) from “ethnosexologist to the stars”, Dr. Y. U. Thropplenoggin

Ethnosexographer Thropplenoggin rues another

missed opportunity to bag a new specimen

Photo by OctopusHat

Stumble It!

Chagrin & Bear It: Obama’s “Performance Anxiety” Issues Get Thropplenoggined

In a new weekly column, Professor Q.T. Thropplenoggin, “phenomenologist to the stars” helps celebrities solve their dilemmas

Stumble It!